How I Felt; 1.

As soon as the year started, some of my stories have been too personal to post on this blog. I don't share that much personal things here. Some things are better left unsaid. 


People don't understand what had happened, what I had been through, how hard it was for me to cope and how do I adapt. They won't understand unless they put their feet in my shoes. Walk they way I walked, and talk they way I talked, accept what I accepted and cry the way I cried. It was hard. It was bitter. It was even awful. No I am not asking for sympathy. I am strong, on my own. 


Everyone have flaws. I'm trying to adapt with it. With whatever flaws they have. Someone might be hot-headed or a snob, or a heart breaker, or a back stabber. But when it's love, it is love. You can't deny that. When it's love, you will learn to accept their flaws, and their flaws become beautiful to your eyes. It's their flaws that complete your identity and complete your flaws in a unique way.

It's hard for me to fall. But when I fall, I fall hard. Love doesn't come knocking on my door everyday. I hardly have any feeling to anyone easily. I'd like to keep love as a rare thing. I'd like to keep it's quality. 

(Even a quiz in facebook knows)

I think all my life, had been about me proving myself to people around me. Proving that I am not stupid. Proving that I can get good grades too with my own way. All my life, I had been fighting with the people's perception that I am just a young, spoiled girl. I've been fighting to prove that they are wrong. Most of the time, I succeed. But sometimes, I just don't. I'm tired dude. I'm tired. I want to do things my way now. I want to do things for myself, not for others. 

TTYL pretty readers, Good Night.

vision; 1.

on being 17, (once)

I used to say I hate school after I finished SPM. The truth is, I hate SPM, not the school. Okay I didn't like the idea of waking up at 6 a.m. too, but school life is so much relaxing. No repeat if you fail a subject, no extend if you didn't finish on time and no being dismissed if your CGPA is bad. 

I still remember that me and my friends used to hang out a lot after school/on the weekend. Let's just count the final year, when we was 17. After school, we normally have a short break before our extra class started. Sometimes, we took lunch out of school and didn't make it for extra class. We were too late T-T And all the weekend, we had extra classes during weekend at the teacher's house. And we hardly just go to the extra's. Most of the time, we hang out before/after the class. Be it just chilling out, have a drink, or just, out somewhere, we always find time to go out. 

The only class I enjoyed at school was Account. I love the teacher. I love the subject. (I only started to love Acc in form 5) I scored good marks for Acc. I like Acc way more than Phy/Chem. That's when I know what I want to be in the future. InsyaAllah.

School life especially during SPM year can be damn stressful. I would advice the juniors to know the balance. Take time to study, and find time to chill too. All time studying will only make you go crazy. ** except that you're the type who don't go out that much. (and like to study too)

There are times when we held a BBQ at Tok Bali. It was awesome. Yes it was. I pull an all nighters and had fun. Even when after the BBQ I slept like I am dead already. HAHA. And the times when we go for a short trip to Terengganu to accompany our friend to perform there. It was all spontaneous. We hardly plan anything. 

I spent less time at home when I was 17. During weekdays, I only came home in the evening/night after extra class. And during weekends, I had extra classes everyday. Account class on Friday Morn. Physics on Friday Night. Add Math on saturday morning. And some more classes I couldn't recall. See? That's why I hate SPM. I barely get enough sleep because I have to stay up late at night to finish homeworks. 

Senior year at school was good. Nobody dares to bully you. But this doesn't mean I did bully my juniors. I'm not the type who would fight with a them. Even when they are rude. I just don't give a fuck because I take it this way; that I am once a junior too, and I hate seniors who pick up fight with me.  And I don't need ppl to hate me. We were once young too, why can't we understand them? Fighting for junior-senior thing is so childish. I have much more important things to focus on rather than that. 

I still remember the only thing I wanted to do after SPM, is to get enough sleep. Hmm. But all the hard works, all the night oil burnt, all the extra classes, all the time spent, is so worth it. My SPM result was okay and not as bad as I thought it would be. 

Being 17 is great. Being 17 means you should be more matured in your thinking. Make good decision, know what's good for you. Know what you want to do. And just be young and fun. Of course you make mistakes, even when you're 50, you make mistakes too, don't you?

There's no regrets. I take every mistakes as a lesson. Trying not to repeat the mistake, but if I did repeat it, I accept the fact that I'm wrong again. Let's learn one more time. =)

Busyyyyy,,

wake up at 7 today. Got BEL class at 8. Got CTU class at 10. Got BEL class at 12. Break at 2-4. At 4 got Statistics. At 6 got music class. At 9 got choir. At 11 got back. Have to study for quiz tomorrow. And now I'm up at this so odd hours (3a.m). It's been a long winding day, and it is so hard to sleep now. I have to wake up at 7 again tomorrow cuz I have a quiz at 8. 


whoa. if everyday busy begini, makanya xkan ade mase utk pikir bende bodoh2. hahaha. aku suka busy. :D

Death Is Just A Matter of Time.

Found this picture on her facebook. It was unexpected. I did not know she was critical.

 Al Fatihah, Shireen Amelin. 

Dari Auf bin Malik ia berkata: Saya telah mendengar Rasulullah SAW - setelah

selesai shalat jenazah bersabda,"Ya Allah ampunilah dosanya, sayangilah dia,

maafkanlah dia, sehatkanlah dia, muliakanlah tempat tinggalnya, luaskanlah

kuburannya, mandikanlah dia dengan air es dan air embun, bersihkanlah dari

segala kesalahan sebagaimana kain putih bersih dari kotoran, gantikanlah

untuknya tempat tinggal yang lebih baik dari tempat tinggalnya, keluarga

yang lebih baik dari keluarganya, pasangan yang lebih baik dari pasangannya

dan peliharalah dia dari siksa kubur dan siksa neraka." (HR Muslim).